CosmicMinun59

What I am going to say are stuff from 2017-2021 and that might not being easy to read.. TRIGGER WARNING MENTION OF: PROSHIP. RACISM. SUGGESTING THINGS Back 2017 I get into deviantart . I was 13(later 14) I first started to watch every artist I used to love(today I feel disgusted by most of them) I wasn't good at talking English so I had misunderstanding somes stuff and my translator was pretty bad. I used to do something considered f*tish but i din't considered as . But I did imitate the f*tish picture without really understanding it was. I was also doing stories and rp with my friends which today I cringe on it... And there was also other that I do consider f*tish except if it's like cartoon . Someone once requested me (it was a person from my age) I just misunderstanding the request and did their oc instead... I'm more shame of misunderstanding the request in question. Somes of them were also around my age or a bit younger than me. I already explained that I requested one art of the non-f*tish thing but I feel bad about it as the person was younger than me. I don't remember if I requested it before or after they revealed their age in anyways. today I feel bad... I feel bad about this I feel like I put them in danger without being aware of this. I din't knew that was bad. I wish knew very much earlier I just feel like a jerk even if I din't knew this. And also there was someone else I think they were at least my age or a bit older. I requested one too but I think there were a cartoon character I don't know the age but while they ask me if they do as non-f*tish related too I said yes because I thought it would please them(I know it's f*cking dumb) the problem is them were a f*tish artist . And back 2019 there were someone else so I absolutely don't know their age I thought they were younger by how they were talking to me but I have doubt maybe they are older i don't know I don't remember their username anyways Idk what was with them they always asked me the same things preggy characters. I think they asked me kid character and of course I din't check their age before doing their request and the ones I knew I did them as "adult" I put quotes because that was shitty like almost no change >:/ and there were someone else again. First the person I din't felt it at all. They had ocs that were... N4zi. I drew them but don't remember if I did the you know the "sign" . This guy was really racist. And keep said the "N" word despite what other said(Idk if they still do them as and I don't care) luckily they never interacted with me again they were making me uncomfortable with request it all time. But I still did the character as adult until I get that was bad too I used to likes somes problematic ships(which incluided Inc*st) one of them I refused to believe it was problematic . And other I did knew but did anyways I was imitate shipper too. I thinking I was mostly homophobic. because I did used to dislikes lgbt people(old fashioned family) and said one of mine was "abusive"(so no at the time I din't knew the meaning of a abusive couple) I was even immature when people was rude to my ship(not the problematic one my shitty former oc x canon) and did a art for someone about a problematic ship they liked. I completely stopped watching this person and i'm sure they still likes it. I stopped about a time shipping the ships but there were still somes problematic ship either I forget or I ignored Or just not knowing. Also i did put on a time a pic of the inc*st ship in question and tge same person i misunderstood the request put my comment on a ask. I'd likes to ask them to take it down but they weren't active from they're da account for 5 years now I would report it but da's report systems sucks. I don't consider I used to be a proshipper just not very smart. Today I am more aware of what I ship now and I check if these aren't problematic Other thing is put my faves character on "husbando" list it unfortunately incluided a young character (I was 14 at the moment and no I din't check the age know that I know I'm ashamed) the worse is I din't even simp for them. I think I din't get the husbando concept... Now really the worse part and it was on instagram. I used to do suggesting stuff so nothing explicit but din't realize it was (I won't explain but a kind cow swimwear ) and did a thing with a oc I used to rp with I don't remember if I gave her a older age at the moment(because they used to represent me before I did my first sona to replace her) I did her without clothes so no as nsfw it was a animal I din't did genital part it was more a joke to me but there were still perv to being weird. There were also jokes I was imitate but din't get until I get older. I'm just embarassed about it... last thing someone probably a p*do because they asked me to do one of my character's butt I'm not joking I never accepted as I din't get what they said luckily(for once my low level English was saved me) but do they realized that I was minor 14 fucking year old and that my character was minor as well . Gosh if you're a perv check at least that people are at least 18+ A other thing I'm embarassed about that was on 2019 is I did ref of my characters. I did them with and without clothes again not as nsfw I never do that and they were dragons so why I would do that especially if they're young but I anyway did them a embarassed expression. I have no idea why I did it. I don't think it really count as "sexual" just for the expression but I'm ashamed that i gave them the expression... 2020 a hard year for everyone let's agree(less than now). Nothing to add I did a alt account like I have now and followed f*tish artist somes were around my age or younger(Idk if I found out later or not I think it was again later) i was separate f*tish from my wholesome art we did a art trade and that's all nothing gross to me but I stopped follow them by delete my account because I was uncomfortable with it. I was scared that people think I was a f*tish artist. Before I din't care but got insult of f*tishist by a jerk person(won't mention name as they were from a fandom I'm not in anymore) . And there weren't only that . I realized I had a bad relation with my ex friend. when lock down started I wasn't feeling well and had doubt. In clear I thought I would count on my friends but din't thought about them. I explained they acted like a a**holes . To me by first add v*re on rps while I make obviously understand that I din't wanted to they insisted and forced my oc to it. It grossed me and forced also to put back a my shitty ship . I din't wanted them to come back together it was nothing but source of pain to me it was nothing but a curse and reason of my bad being. I knew they were a bad influence at the moment and I did the kind of art I hated based on the rp. It sound gross I know. I don't have the drawing good thing. it was more to evacuated as it was gross. And there was also one thing about rp i sent my 2020 yokai sona it was to comfort their character. Then i think they more misunderstood but their character was acting like in love(i really misinterpreted) it din't lasted(and even change plan) but last thing they had a habit that was getting on my nerves. They killed my characters and/or accused them of thing they din't did or even make them like they were racist(at least one I was doing from a au who's not my character) and I was deeply uncomfortable and had more anxiety. It's only on end 2021 I cut ties with them. Honestly I feel half guilt I won't defend them anyway if they have problem that be their fault And I did the thing I see as f*tish but as a joke(cartoon tropes I don't consider it as a f*tish when it's about the cartoons jokes but still shame about it) Very last thing that is a bit recent my racist character so I don't mean they were racist but represented racist thing like my pop gijinka if you follow me since that period you might remember that pop used to be... black . You see the problem pop is a pichu/panpour even if pop is more pichu it's still bad as it's basically a insult to black people(which I din't released) I respect black people from all my being . I overtime changed pop's complexion(I felt a bit stuck as I am against whitewashing) I want to apologies to black community I be more wary when I do gijinka and I did wanna apologies to Asian too. I did a stereotyped oc of cuphead I never shown her but was like those Asian cartoon of the West. I don't remember I was 14 when I did her she was a boss and I think she had the yellow complexion (why? Idk) I just feel dumb now for did her like that if I remake her I would do less stereotyped and more like the character I do now I think that was all. I would never say how much I feel bad about everything. Maybe that if I din't joined da at my young age I wouldn't been anxious like I am now. I never wanted to harm anyone . The difference with the kid/teen me and current me is I assume my mistakes. Of course I don't pretend to be a "better person" or "maturier" I know I would never being. I keep doing mistakes and being rude sometimes . Or saying offensive stuff without realized(I did like two years ago) and i did watched somes f*tish artist that were few year younger than me on my alt account(because i din't checked and din't thought. I unwatched them don't worry. I am more aware and wary about who I watch) I don't want people to associate me to my past . The person I talking about was a ignorant kid and they're still here in me unfortunately . I know the past will stick to me and most of thing I mentioned I will never forgive myself to have been like that. The way of redemption is hard and I know that nothing really change . I learn from my mistake and get to not trust anybody after my 2019 and 2020-2021 experience. I think I mostly had bad influence that be from people I used to think they were nice but others I thought I could trust. Always pay attention and trust the real one you feel you can trust. I apologies... for everything Sorry for mistakes and bad grammar